Worst Case Scenario

Today, the kids I was watching during the TAKS test were done pretty quickly, so I found myself with some time on my hands. I decided to start reading a book that my friend Stacy sent me as a birthday present back in February. This book is called The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Weddings.

I only wish I had started to read this back in December, before Tamara's mom offered to pay for the wedding, because this book starts with some very handy tips for raising money for the wedding, including:

--Holding a raffle, giving guests a chance to ride in the limo to the reception or even to join the honeymoon.

--Speculating which items from the registry would be bought as gifts, and selling them in advance on ebay.

--Procuring sponsors -- This dance is brought to you by Elliot's Hardware! Now it's time for the vows, presented by Domino's Pizza!

--Selling naming rights for first children, preferred seating at the reception, and/or dances with the bride and groom.

I also know now not to worry if any of these situations occurs:

--The DJ's equipment breaks down -- we can always get a few wedding guests to become a jug band.

--Someone starts to give a bad toast -- I'll just act drunk and call the person "Uncle Morty" as I grab the mic from them.

--Excessive flatulence -- in that case, I'll just do what I always do. Blame my brother.

So worry not, folks! No matter what happens on July 2nd, we will survive!

Thanks, Stacy, for the great gift.